Dale Cresap's blog

How do you feel about yourself? How do you feel about yourself when you are around other people? This answer can vary widely depending on who you are with. Some people open the door for you to express your true self, even with your faults and vulnerabilities, and you find contact with them to be life-enhancing. They make you feel good about yourself. Others must prove themselves to be superior at your expense, and you feel exhausted and discouraged from being around them. Reversing the question, how do you make others feel about themselves? How do I make you feel about yourself?

Would you have picked Peter as the most brash and impulsive of my disciples? In story after story he acts quickly and gets corrected for it. Do you identify with him? I told him that he would be sifted like wheat, but that after he was converted he would strengthen his brethren. His faith did not fail, and this came to pass. Can you see how these experiences had a redeeming effect on him? It was not in spite of them but because of them that he was able to lead the church I left behind. Do you see a similar process in effect in your own life?

Do you think of tribal identity and association only in the context of native peoples? But ancient Israel, known collectively as the one people of God, were divided into tribes. The principle is universal. You could look at the denominations that exist today and consider them as tribes within the overarching faith of Christianity, but the concept goes beyond even that. Have you ever connected with a group of people, even if they were strangers, who joined together over something that you were passionate about? Did this feel like coming home for the first time? Do you know your tribe?

When I said to love your neighbor as yourself, the question came back to me asking, who is my neighbor? I replied with the story of the Good Samaritan. The implied answer is that everyone is your neighbor, especially those with whom you do not agree or consider to be within your circle. How large is your circle? Most people associate with a narrow demographic in terms of race, profession, income, educational level, culture, political and religious persuasions and many other factors. Do you? It is easier than ever before to find those who are like you and associate only with them.

How effectively are you able to limit your circle of contacts to those who are similar to yourself? This is possible now more than ever before. Increased mobility and electronic communications can open you to a broader world, or allow you to find and associate with an ever more narrowly defined community. Do you think that this is beneficial? How often do you have real encounters with those of substantially different beliefs, professions, political opinions, education and income level from yourself? Who would decline the benefits of affluence and technology?

Do you think that your tastes and preferences are better than those of others? Do you know anyone who doesn’t feel the same way? People tend to be strongly identified with their own preferences and consider them central to their own identity. Everyone can explain why theirs are superior but you should avoid doing this. For in doing so you disparage the preferences of others, which are just as valid for them, and you alienate them for no reason. Learn to see your own preferences as being no more than that, and hold them with a loose grip.

Are you secure enough to admit your faults? It is helpful for your advancement if you can. Do you know people who have a ready excuse for everything, who can find an external reason to blame for everything that goes wrong? Do you think they are correct in this or could their own failings contribute to their poor performance? If you can own your part of the poor performance then you can focus on the ways you contributed to it and the ways you can improve. This is humbling but it is a growth opportunity unavailable to excuse makers and blame shifters.

Do you see me as a God of justice? There are plenty of verses in the Bible to support this, about wrath and vengeance and eternal flames. But there is another concept of justice that is restorative rather than retributive. The difference is between hurting those who hurt others and healing those who hurt others. These approaches are worlds apart. One looks to the past for punishment and the other to the future for a more peaceful tomorrow. You can find this approach to justice in the Bible too. So which one is dominant? Which do you see emphasized more in my dealings with you?

Do you believe in justice? What type? Most people think of retributive justice in which punishment is meted out to the guilty. This may serve as a deterrent, but it doesn’t improve the situation. The common phrase, even taken from the Bible, is an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth. But there is another approach that is also found in the Bible. This requires the repayment of something stolen, in even greater measure. This also acts as a deterrent, but it has the additional quality of being restorative. The penalty helps the victim. Which system do you see implemented in your culture?

Have you reached the point in your life where you realize that you can’t make it on your own and need help? Do you also realize that I am the only one who can help you? Blessed are those who realize this. How do you think this works? Do you see it as me providing assistance for you or you consenting to me? There is a profound difference between these, for it determines which one of us is in charge of the process. If it isn’t within you to direct your own steps then no amount of assistance will help.