These are beautiful examples of inner healing, which is “God replacing the pictures in the art gallery of our minds, removing pictures that do not have Jesus in them, and replacing them with pictures that do.”
Preface
As a child my “Little Self” developed belief systems that were unhelpful—even damaging.
One of those belief systems was that as a person I was fundamentally “wrong.” I didn’t really understand this so I asked Jesus to help me understand and process this belief.
Probably since the womb I suspected I was an inconvenient pregnancy for my mother. I had an uneasy sense as a child growing up in my home and church that I was somehow fundamentally wrong. In a child’s mind if you are wrong, you probably should be punished.
I discovered an additional belief system that came from thinking I was wrong. It went something like this: “I cannot have the desires of my heart and if for some reason I should get close to having my heart’s desires or even achieve them it will be accompanied by shame, guilt, and negative consequences.”
The story I wrote before writing “Little Wrong Self” is called “Little Angry Self.” This story was written to help me understand and process the belief that I could not have the desires of my heart.
These belief systems have followed me all my life and have had interesting and troubling consequences.
The references to Grown Up Self are me at my current age seeking to understand, process, and gain freedom. Jesus of course is ageless and shows himself to be faithful and a “very present help in the time of need.”
Little Wrong Self
Little Wrong Self sat in a small chair with her face to the corner of the room waiting to be punished. She wasn’t exactly sure why she was there but knew it had something to do with the desires of her heart—what she wanted and thought would be wonderful to have. She had plenty of time to think since she had been in this chair for a while. One thought crossed her mind as a possible punishable offense—she remembered wanting a little nursing kit that was on the bottom of a toy shelf that she happened to see when she was out shopping with her mother. She inquired about possibly being able to buy it and her request was met with disapproval. Maybe that is why she is in this chair needing to be punished. Then there was the time she took the individually wrapped strawberry marshmallow pies out of the cupboard without asking. They were supposed to go in school lunches. Yes, she could see how that was part of her wrong self and was certainly a punishable offense. And of course there were the random oatmeal raisin cookies that would go missing from the cookie jar. It took quite a bit of skill to get the lid off the Little Red Riding Hood cookie jar without making a sound. Yep, yet another example of how wrong she was. Then at church she was reminded that she was a sinner and committed all manner of wrong against God.
All this evidence against her had her in a state of freeze waiting to be punished. How could she escape from the feeling of being overwhelmed with impending judgment? It was possible she could have fought with her wrong self and just fled the room, but she didn’t. She just sat there in a frozen-like state.
Grown Up Self noticed her there and thought that she really needed to deal with whatever was keeping her in this little chair and get back to enjoying life. Grown Up Self had only recently noticed Little Wrong Self sitting in the chair for extended periods of time. Now she was getting concerned that this was more than a childish game Little Self was playing.
Grown Up Self joined Jesus in the living room where he was watching the Nature Channel with some friends. Jesus pointed out one of his animal creations and commented on how the noble bearing of this animal was much like the friend sitting next to him. The group agreed and laughed. This bantering continued as Grown Up Self came into the room. Jesus, turning toward her, noticed the concerned look on her face. “What is it, little one?” “Well,” said Grown Up Self, “I’ve been observing Little Self and she hasn’t moved from her chair. Every time I walk by, she is still there with her face to the corner. I’m thinking we should do something. What do you think?”
“Hmm…” Jesus said, after observing Little Self, “I agree it isn’t good for her to continue sitting there. Let’s see if we can coax her out of that chair.”
They tried calling to her and inviting her to play the next game with the group. They told her about the yummy snacks and drinks everyone was enjoying. Still, Little Wrong Self was not willing to budge because her punishment hadn’t yet been administered. After more cajoling Jesus and Grown Up Self paused to look at each other. It was obvious a plan needed to be devised to lure her away from her chair. Jesus said, “I have an idea” and whispered it into Grown Up Self’s ear. A smile crossed her face and she went to the cupboard at the far end of the kitchen. She brought back a bag of fortune cookies to Jesus. It was her job to carefully pull all the paper fortunes out of the cookies. She got a pair of tweezers and went to work. While she did that Jesus started working on some new papers to insert. The plan was to lure Little Wrong Self away from her chair using the cookies and their special messages. They knew she would be intrigued. If their plan worked she would soon be free to enjoy the rest of the evening of fun with friends.
It would be Grown Up Self’s responsibility to deliver the cookies one by one in order to minimize any resistance from Little Wrong Self. She decided to do a stealth-type delivery. The first cookie was placed on a spatula. The goal was to slide this under Little Self’s chair between her feet and have it within sight when she looked down. The first delivery was a total success. Little Self had her eyes shut and she didn’t notice the cookie there at first. When she did open her eyes and looked down she saw the fortune cookie at her feet. That’s strange, she thought. Why would there be a cookie there? Loving the taste of sweet fortune cookies and curious about what message she might get, she picked up the cookie and bit off one end. Yes, it was as good as she remembered—now to the message inside. She read it and noted she had never had a fortune like this before. Instead of thinking about her wrong self and the impending punishment, she started thinking about the special message the cookie held.
A few minutes later she heard a fist pound twice on the floor behind her. She looked over her shoulder to see who was there and only saw another cookie. Still not free to leave her chair she scooted it to where the next cookie was, picked it up, bit the end off and then withdrew the message and read that one. Each time she made sure to face her chair toward the wall. She was, however, making progress moving her chair further to the center of the room and then closer to the living room with each successive cookie.
Grown Up Self continued to make the stealth cookie deliveries and then pound on the floor a couple of times to let Little Self know there was yet another cookie for her.
By this time, she had made her way across to the entrance of the living room. With her chair still turned toward the corner she heard one last pound on the floor. When she turned around to pick up the cookie it wasn’t on the floor where it normally was, but instead she saw Jesus bent down with the cookie in his hand and a smile on his face. He asked her if she would like the last cookie. She said she would. Jesus said, “What would you think of eating this one and reading the fortune out loud to me while sitting on my lap?” Well, the messages had her so intrigued and distracted from her place in the kitchen, she could hardly remember why she had been there in the first place. She moved from her little chair and relaxed as Jesus gently put her on his lap.
Just like all the others, she bit off one end and pulled out the message. Jesus knew that the truths he had written for her would set her free. She read that one and then read all the others out loud that she had been collecting in her hand and thinking about.
Grown Up Self listened carefully as Little Self read each message out loud
- “It was for freedom that I set you free.”
- “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
- “I have loved you with an everlasting love.”
- “For God so loved you that he gave his only begotten son” Jesus said parenthetically with a joyful smile—“that would be me.”
As she read on she was thinking maybe she really could leave the fear of punishment behind. The only question she had for Jesus at this point was, what do I do with my wrong self?
He invited her to tell him what wrong things she thought she had done. With each instance if she had been wrong he told her just to tell him about it and agree it was wrong. He said he would be there to help her make better choices in the future.
He also promised he would make her wrongs magically disappear as far as the east is from the west. Jesus wanted to make sure she understood that having strong desires in her heart certainly wasn’t wrong in any way and encouraged her to dream and have strong desires. He also told her that she was in no way wrong as a person. He had created her, and called her and all he had created “very good”!
By the time they were done with their discussion Little Self was able to take full easy breaths and felt safe now. She played games the rest of the evening and ate until her tummy was uncomfortably full. Later that night as she climbed into bed and rubbed her full tummy, she realized she could have stopped eating after the fortune cookies. The truths they contained would have kept her full and content for the rest of the evening. On further thought she mused that as she continued to chew on those truths, they could keep her content, full, and “corner free” for the rest of her life!
“You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free!”
(This is a two-part series. Part 2 is available at this link.)
Going deeper
- Prayers That Heal the Heart full training module - https://www.cluschoolofthespirit.com/courses/prayers-that-heal-the-heart-revised/
- Prayers That Heal the Heart individual products - https://www.cwgministries.org/store/prayers-heal-heart
- Inner healing counseling with a coach - https://www.cwgministries.org/DonPTHTHCoach
How to Walk by the Spirit 15th Anniversary Edition
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