This testimony of inner healing is from a woman working through one of our School of the Spirit modules.
God has revealed the root of my shame. It comes from my mum when I was in the womb. Being unmarried and in a relationship with a married man, she was subjected to a lot of abuse. I experienced it as her being ashamed of me, that I was shameful.
Lord, if I am not a person of shame then who or what am I?
My daughter, I connected with lepers, prostitutes, criminals, all those that society would reject and recoil from. They responded to Me because they recognized that I loved them and accepted them. I saw the real person inside. Everyone is precious, and that includes you. Look to Me for your identity, see yourself through My eyes. I cherish you because I see you, I know you, and I love you. Look into My eyes and see My love for you. Let it be the truth that enables you to stand tall. The weight has been removed from your shoulders; you can stand tall before Me, assured of My deepest love and commitment to you.
Changing the picture. From shame to acceptance and affirmation - I see myself as that baby in the womb. It is a cold, dark, unfriendly place. I am afraid. I feel unwanted, unloved, alone. I don’t want to be here. Lord, I see You place Your hands over me in the womb; Your hands bring light and warmth.
Lord, even before I was born I felt afraid, abandoned. I felt shame raining down on me, consuming me, leaving me shriveled and dead inside.
Jesus, I see You holding onto the umbilical cord and bringing light and life into it. You have cut off the toxic shame from me and I am receiving nurture from You. My life is being sustained by You.
I have to let the shame go; it is a lie of the enemy. You have provided me with everything I need for life and godliness. The Spirit of the living and risen Lord Jesus has given me life. I am accepted, I can walk in the light.
Because of difficult family circumstances at the time, I missed a lot of nurturing as a baby and young child. Please can You give me pictures of how You stepped in?
Lord, again I picture myself in my mother’s womb. I can hear You rejoicing over me with thanksgiving; You are whispering to me how excited You are for me to be born. When You see me, You marvel at how perfect I am. You touch my hand, You put Your hand on my head and speak a Father’s blessing over me. You promise to love and protect me with all Your heart. You watch over me and keep me from harm; You call me into Your presence and speak words of love and affirmation to my heart. You nurture me and fill up the empty spaces in my heart with Your love. You wrap Your arms around me and hold me in Your tender embrace.
When I was born and couldn’t feed properly, I was hungry. I can see You holding me and telling me it’s alright, You can feed me, You can sustain me. You never get angry or frustrated with me because You know it’s not my fault. When I am in the hospital in a strange, very frightening place, feeling alone and abandoned, I can see You are there with me. You are protecting me from uncaring nurses and holding me tight. Whenever I wake up, my Heavenly Father is sitting with me, gazing at me with tender love. Though my father and mother forsake me, You will never forsake me. Whenever I was scared, I could turn to You and You would hide my face in Your robe so that I didn’t have to watch. Thank You, Abba Father. Thank You, Lord.
Isn't God amazing?
I understand inner healing as having a living encounter with Jesus, allowing Him to replace the pictures in the art gallery of your mind, removing pictures that do not have Jesus in them and replacing them with pictures that do. In the vision, Jesus speaks truth which counters the lies you have been believing. His words are experienced as flowing thoughts and His visions as flowing pictures. We say “Yes, Lord.”
And our life is changed!
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